Adolescents;+Funneling+God's+Design

=Adolescence: Funneling God's Design=

The adolescent years can be confusing and challenging for your child as he or she faces some of the most exciting and yet difficult times of life. These years can also bring a great deal of stress and anxiety for you as you search for answers to what is happening to your child. You must be telling yourself, “He used to be such an even tempered and cooperative child.” To the adolescent, these years will feel as though he or she has been flung into a rolling, twirling, swirling funnel of emotions. Parents just want this period of their child’s life to be less traumatic and more harmonious. If you are a parent, whether your child has yet to reach adolescence or is currently in that stage, it will help you to remember that God designed adolescence. Your child is God’s Design!



 God also designed you with wisdom, experience, and social skills to help reduce the negative effects of the outside world on your child. By using these gifts, you can make it easier for your child to grow into adulthood. You might be asking the same question that your adolescent is asking, “How do I do that?” God has a plan and you are part of it. This plan must begin with your submission to the Lord in seeking out his help and guidance as you take this journey with your adolescent. Encourage your child to seek the Lord, especially during those difficult decision making moments. It will help him when he is under pressure from his peers to participate in risky behaviors. Understanding that your child was designed by God to experience these confusing, and explosive feelings will help you remain calm and level headed. Be intentional in your prayers. Take a concerned interest in learning more about the main ingredients in your child’s development. By doing these things, you will be able to connect better with your adolescent. It will also help you to understand why she is feeling confused, alone, anxious, and intimated.

 Child psychologist explain most of these behaviors as part of adolescent egocentrism. Egocentrism is an individual’s preoccupation with what others think of them (Jaffe, 1998). I have gathered information on adolescent egocentrism that explains a little about what your child is consciously and unconsciously facing during these early adolescent years. I will explain some big word ideas on adolescence development which are often used to explain some of the behaviors of adolescent egocentrism; imaginary audience, personal fable, and separation-individualism. The attached video “Adolescence: A Message of Comfort” takes a look at these ideas from an adolescent’s point of view. [|Adolescence: A Message of Comfort].  

** Adolescent Egocentrism **
 Adolescent egocentrism typical begins around the age of 11 and can take the adolescent as long as five years to transition to more mature thinking (Alberts, Elkind, & Ginsberg, 2007). During this time, adolescents have difficulty seeing that others can see things differently than they do. Experts believe that during each stage of human development, individuals are only capable of overcoming one major cognitive task (Elkind, 1967). The adolescent stage is where y our child struggles to overcome negative thoughts that interfere with day to day living. The ideas of imaginary audience and personal fable are used to explain how your child is challenged to tell the difference between her thoughts and those of others.

 During the imaginary audience stage, your adolescent will experience an increase in self-consciousness and will feel as though everyone is watching him. He believes that everyone else has the same concern for his appearance as he does (Alberts, Elkind, & Ginsberg, 2007). He is convinced that he is under a watchful eye at all times. These feelings can be the reason your adolescent has a constant need for privacy. You can expect these feelings to peak between the ages of 14 and 16. If you have a female adolescent, get ready for a rocky road ahead because imaginary audience is typically stronger in girls. This constant need to be the center of attention results from your child’s inability to tell the difference between imaginary and real (Lapsley, 1993). Remember, he/she is God’s design. Your child’s ethnicity, home environment, personality, and other areas of his personal world all affect how he/she responds to adolescence (Michael & Ben-Zur, 2007). Keep in mind that your child is experiencing real fears about what others think of them. In their world, they face real consequences (Bell and Bromnick, 2003). Their self-esteem, self-confidence, popularity, and social support are all threatened by what they think others think of them.

The term personal fable is a term used to describe the strong feelings that your child has. They believe that no one else could feel the way they do (Elkind, 1967). During this time, your child might say that you could never understand how she is feeling. She also feels that you have never had such strong feelings. This would cause her to be more dramatic at times. These feelings come from her constant belief that she is always being watched. Most adolescents believe that every time they walk into a room, everyone is watching them. Your child may say things like, “No one could ever understand” or “It could never happen to me.” These are the thoughts that can cause him to believe that he is indestructible. They also play a role in his decisions to participate in risk-taking behaviors. Some studies show that adolescents who have a stronger personal fable, tend to become more involved in risky behaviors such as using inhalants, drugs, sex, or reckless driving (Aalsma, Lapsley, & Flannery, 2006). Inhalants have become increasingly more popular with young adolescents because they believe that they are safe. Inhalants are typically the child’s first introduction to risky behaviors and often leads to other more dangerous behaviors (National Inhalant Prevention Coalition, 2005).



Another idea that is valuable in understanding your adolescent is separation-individualism. This idea relates to how your child begins to explore his world as he slowly separates himself from you while still keeping you within reach (Blum, 2004). As your child begins to form his own identity, he gets comfort in knowing that you are nearby. So while he wants his independence, he still has a need to be connected to you. How well your adolescent completes this task is an indication of how well he will achieve autonomy and independence.

The adolescent years are a time when peer groups are the most significant source of social support for your child (Michael & Ben-Zur, 2007). This would explain why it is so important for them to gain the approval of their peers. Studies show that when the parent/child relationship strengthens, peer influences weaken. Although many of the behaviors I talked about are normal experiences for your child, there are a few things that you can do to prevent or reduce some of the negative effects of adolescence. Begin the process by helping your child seek the comfort of our Lord. Encourage him to pray daily. Get him involved in youth activities at your church and use scripture to find the answer to any problem. Remember that your adolescent does not have the knowledge, social skills, or experience to make complex decisions (Rodham, Brewera, Mistrala, & Stallarda, 2006; Gardner & Steinberg, 2005). That’s why she needs you to teach her. Begin strengthening your relationship. Take time to help her increase her social experiences while under your direction. Family outings are a great way to expose your child to new experiences as you encourage him to interact with others.

 Educate yourself on the latest popular risky behaviors such as inhalants and then teach your child about the consequences of such behaviors. Teach your child assertive skills. Encourage her to share her feelings with you. Without judgment, listen to her concerns and take the time to work through them. The goal is for your child to be able to know that his point of view is different from those of another while considering both at the same time (Artar, 2007). Teach your child how to be decisive in his decision making process (Rodham et al.). As your relationship strengthens, your child’s assertiveness and decision making skills will also strengthen (Aspya, Veselyb, Omanb, Rodinec, Marshallc, & McLeroy (2007).

 Kids are very aware of what’s going on with their parents. Keep in mind that your behavior is a rehearsal for your child’s behavior ( Igra & Erwin (1996) . Be a positive role-model and take a vested interest in your child’s life. Talk to him, don’t yell. Always be wise with your choice of words; you can never take them back. Set reasonable boundaries and discuss them with your child (Gardner, & Steinberg, 2005). Lastly, if you feel the need, brush up on your parenting skills. Local colleges typically offer seminars or workshops on parenting skills. Parenting Skills – Imparting Wisdom is an internet site that has some helpful ideas. You can access them at [].



Summary
Don’t let the terms I discussed overwhelm you. It is not important that you remember the names. What is important is your understanding that your adolescent is undergoing a funnel of swirling feelings set into motion by God’s design. Helping the adolescent seek the comfort of our Lord may be as challenging for you as it is for the adolescent. During this time period, your adolescent will experience normal feelings of self-consciousness and a preoccupation of what others think of them. This tendency is a normal part of human development. As the need for peer approval strengthens, they will feel an increased false power which could interfere with their decision making process. In spite of all of these influences, your child will battle with the need to form his own identity and a need to feel connected to you. Parents who become more aware of these ideas and work on fine tuning their parenting skills are able to build a stronger parent/child relationship. These parents also have a higher chance of reducing their adolescent’s need to participate in risk-taking behaviors. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">The good news is that as a child’s thinking matures, he/she will become less focused on himself and get down to the business of forming his own identity. No doubt, the adolescent years are filled with turmoil and storm. It is a time of excitement, experimentation, maturation, and character development. Psychologists and other interested people will continue to find new ways to explain how the adolescent’s thoughts affect his/her behavior and decision making. They will also continue to check out how these decisions affect the adolescent’s participation in risk-taking behaviors. Parents must also take responsibility in their child’s growth by fine tuning their communication and parenting skills. Parents, educators, and counselors will benefit from knowing that the adolescent has a need for autonomy and acceptance. They will also benefit from learning about the risk-taking behaviors that adolescents become involved with. Of the greatest value is for parents, educators, and counselors to remember that adolescents are the way they are by God’s design.
 * <span style="display: block; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">Conclusion **

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Final Exam Questions:

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">

Handout

[|Inhalant Quiz Handout]

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">References <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Aalsma, M.C., Lapsley, D.K., & Flannery, D.J. (2006). Personal fables, narcissism, and adolescent adjustment. //Psychology in the Schools//, 43(4), 481-491. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Alberts, A., Elkind, D., & Ginsberg, S. (2007). The personal fable and risk-taking in early adolescence. //Journal of Youth & Adolescence//, 36, 71-76. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Artar, M. (2007). Adolescent egocentrism and theory of mind: In the context of family relations. //Social Behavior and Personality//, 35(9), 1211-1220. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Aspya, C.B., Veselyb, S.K., Omanb, R.F., Rodinec, S., Marshallc, L., & McLeroy, K. (2007). Parental communication and youth sexual behavior. //Journal of Adolescence//, 30(3), 449-466. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Bell, J. & Bromnick, R. (2003) The social reality of the imaginary audience: A grounded theory approach. //Adolescence//, 38(150), 205-219. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Blum, H.P. (2004) Separation-individuation theory and attachment theory. //Journal of American Psychoanalytic Association,// 52(2), 535-553. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Elkind D. (1967). Egocentrism in adolescence. //Child Development//, 38(4), 1025-1034. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Gardner, M. & Steinberg, L. (2005). Peer influence on risk taking, risk preference, and risky decision making in adolescence and adulthood: An experimental study. //Developmental Psychology//, 41(4), 625–635. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Igra, V. & Erwin, Jr., C.E. (1996). Theories of adolescent risk-taking behaviors. In Ralph J. DiClemente, William Bunker Hansen, and Lynn E. Ponton (Ed.), //Handbook of adolescent health risk//, (pp. 35-51) New York, NJ: Plenum Press. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Jaffe, M.L. (1998). //Adolescence//. New York, NY: Wiley <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Lapsley, D.K. (1993). Towards an integrated theory of adolescent ego development: The "new look" at adolescent egocentrism. //American Journal of Orthopsychiatry//, 63(4), 562-571. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Michael, K. & Ben-Zur, H. (2007). Risk-taking among adolescents: Associations with social and affective factors. //Journal of Adolescence// 30, 17–31. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Parenting skills: Imparting wisdom (2010) http://www.allaboutparenting.org/parenting-skills.htm <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 120%;">Rodham, K., Brewera, H., Mistrala, W., & Stallarda, P. (2006). Adolescents’ perception of risk and challenge: A qualitative study. //Journal of Adolescence//, 2(9), p. 261-272.